Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
