If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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