what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You were trust falling into bushes
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
