Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
