bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
