well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's always time for handjobs
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
