I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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