She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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