You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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