he puts the penis in happiness.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
