Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Still dying that you shit outside
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
