first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
