Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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