If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
