My Higher Power is John Stamos
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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