i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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