she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
