I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
