Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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