the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
