He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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