Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
