Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
