i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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