some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
