matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
