dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
