He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
