Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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