We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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