i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
