So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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