Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
