the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
