The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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