I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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