Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
