In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
