thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
