We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
