I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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