If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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