So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
