how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
