omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
