I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
