The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
