carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
