this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
