Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
