Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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