Banned from zoo.
Again?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize