does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
