I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize