someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize