i just wanna soil my oats bro
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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