wat bout pragnant strippers??
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
