There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
