I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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