i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I pour the whiskey from now on
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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