I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
