So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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