In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Who died my cat blue again?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
