U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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