Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
