it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
