do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
