you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
