So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
