he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
