I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
