Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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