my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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